I get asked a lot about how I am doing. How I am coping being a military wife, having my husband gone for a whole year and how I am managing my two little boys. My usual response is, "I'm great! They are crazy, but they keep me busy!"
Well, I decided that I am going to share a little excerpt from my journal I wrote the other day in hopes that it can more fully answer those questions.... those questions that even I seem to not know the answer to until I have a moment like this....
Dear Journal, July 30, 2010
I just wanted to write real quick how much I love my boys. For some reason my heart was especially tender today and I kept getting such happy, strong, protective, proud, motherly emotions as I played, observed and taught my boys throughout the day. These boys are truly something. They are beautiful, happy, good natured boys. I love them more than LOVE! With all of myself I ‘love’ them- but it feels so much more than love. What is this?
Tonight I crawled in bed with Marek. I normally go check on him and Ammon before I go to bed- you know- tuck them in, make sure they are covered up so they don’t get cold. But tonight I couldn’t help but slide into bed with my precious sleeping Marek. I swept him up in my arms and held him close and tight. I ran my fingers through his hair and caressed his soft cheeks. I kissed his forehead and felt my heart burning. I couldn't help but lay there for a long time. I got really choked up as I thought about how much I loved this. How much I love watching him learn, develop and grow. Tears filled my eyes as I realized just how much Chaz is missing. And how much the boys are missing of their Dad. I couldn’t help but squeeze Marek a little tighter and wrap myself more around him. I’ll make sure Chaz gets to have this moment soon. As of now, I vow to be the best mommy I can to these boys- my precious sons.
I laid there enjoying the moment just a little longer and then realized just how long it had been since I last cuddled. And just how much I missed it. Then the tears came flooding back.
A mother and a wife. I thought to myself- These are the best, most rewarding things a woman can be. And I will be just that- for eternity. And then the tears and the yearning for my dear Chaz left me and was replaced with a joy so exquisite I couldn't help but smile and feel so truly blessed with my lot in life.
I left Marek’s room feeling full. Full of love, hope, deep gratitude and serenity. I knew that even though Chaz was missing out on things at home and we were missing out on things in his life over in Afghanistan- I knew that we were deeply and divinely connected as a family unit and that nothing, no one and no distance could take that away. We are a Family. We can and will persevere through anything and everything- Together. And LOVE- or perhaps something deeper than love- is what gets us through.
-Sara Allen
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11 comments:
Thank you so much for posting that. I just needed to read that. We are at almost 9 months of not seeing daddy and it's taking it's toll on me and the girls. We don't get to see him until past 10 months! It just sucks so much that he is gone but I am grateful for my little girls, and for you posting your journal entry. That was so sweet! I loved it.
Thanks for the post babe, I love that journal entry. I am glad our boys are with a mommy who cares so much for them and loves them as you do. I miss and love you guys! I can't wait to see you again, its only about 77 days away now! you're in my prayers.
Love you always,
Chaz
Sara I couldn't help but cry when I read that, I completley understood and could relate to almost every word you said. Every time I think my baby has grown I get a sick feeling for Nathan, thinking he is missing this precious time in our lives. But at the same time couldn't feel more blessed that I get to be his mommy. Thanks for that post. I want to go cuddle with my baby now. :)
To Sara and all of here special friends who have answered on this blog regarding this post. "You all are truly awsome and wonderful wives, mothers, and daughters." What lucky men your husbands are to have such loving and strong wives. You are all stronger than I could ever imagine myself being. I am so blessed to have such a "Wonderful" granddaughter. Our Father In Heaven loves you so much and is so proud of you.
This post was amazing. I can't imagine what your experience is like, but the post really touched me. Thank you!
Very sweet. Thank you for sharing Sara. I often feel anxious about facing deployment with 2 young kids. There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about you and all of our other friends who are going through it or have gone through it. All of you are great examples to me and I thank you for that. Keep up the great work! You are so amazing. You inspire me to be stronger and closer to the Spirit.
I couldn't agree more with every word you said. Thanks for sharing. Being a mom and a wife are truly the best thing in the whole world.
This is so great Sara. I am glad you had that moment. I do have a strong testimony of temples and eternal families. I've been in a non-temple wedding and I've also seen couples come out of the temple after just getting sealed. There is no comparison to the feelings I could sense in both cases. I know your family is forever. No doubt.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Brings tears to my eyes. I've gotten that feeling a couple times now since Steve has been gone. It will be so amazing to get that feeling with my own little ones. :)
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